Long title, I know, but I wanted it to summarize the topic completely.
Also, hi, this is, what, my third or fourth attempt at blogging? Maybe it will last this time. Either way, it's helping me busy myself, and will hopefully help some heartbroken folks out there.
I should preface this by stating that I am the breakup senpai. I have done this so many times, that I have mastered the art.
So this is going to summarize some of the rules I abide by the first few weeks after a breakup. I'm not going to say I am always perfect at following them, like most people, I give in to temptation from time to time. However, these are, in my opinion, very healthy boundaries to set for yourself.
Fist step: Delete, Delete, Delete. Deleting a new ex from your social media is not immature (though some people will try to paint it as such). Deleting is an act of self-love and self-preservation. Right now your main focus should be on yourself and what you need to heal. Removing your new ex from your social media outlets will help prevent you from lurking their page and doing more harm to your emotional state. You don't need to see how they are doing. You don't need to see what their doing. Most people on the deciding side of a break up ride a sort of emotional high for the first week or so. They are reveling in their new found freedom. You don't need to see this. It will not make you happy. If their social media presence is public, block them. If they ask, tell them the truth, that you don't trust yourself not to keep tabs on is posts.
Delete, Delete, Delete includes their number. It's so hard in the beginning to refrain from texting them. You want to know why. Why did they do this to you? How could they do this to you? Chances are they've already told you, and will get irritated with you constantly asking. What happens next is, they either get angry with you and hurt your feelings, ignore you (which will hurt your feelings), or tell you a lie so you'll get off their case. None of these things are desirable.
Now, when I say delete their number, I mean delete their number. Delete their cell/house/work phone numbers. Delete their Apple ID. Delete them from your recent calls and texts. Leave no trace of their number in your phone. I've even blocked the number before I deleted it, to play it safe.
Also, I understand that when it comes to pictures of the two of you, you may need some more time to bring yourself to delete those, but don't let yourself hang on to those for more than a week or so. They aren't doing you any good.
Second step: Stop fantasizing about what could have been. What should have been. And what would have been, had you not broken up. These are fantasies, you live in reality. You need to accept what has happened and adjust the course of your life accordingly. Delete that dream wedding Pinterest board. Delete birthday reminders in your phone. Don't dream up ways you can cross you can cross their path. This is not your reality. This is not who you are. You are strong. You do not pine after people who do not want you. Do you want to be with someone who doesn't want you? No. I understand, you want them to want to be with you, but, once again, this is not your reality. Instead of centering your thoughts around them, focus on yourself. Plan a night with friends--your friends, not your mutual friends (this goes under avoiding the urge to creep, creeping never makes you happy. Also, don't keep asking your mutual friends what they are up to, thats another form of creeping). Go to a restaurant you like. Learn a new hobby. Take a yoga class. Have a spa day (you can always go to cosmetology/esthiology/massage schools if you feel a spa day is out of your budget. Do anything healthy and productive to help you focus on yourself.
Another good outlet is Tinder. I'm definitely not suggesting you should jump head first into a new relationship or use sex as a bandaid. However, knowing other people find you attractive and interesting is very important. After a breakup we tend to see ourselves in a way that isn't accurate, a little flirting goes a long way towards the self-esteem.
I think that's all I have for today. These things are definitely a good start on your journey of self-love and healing.
I will leave you with a link that offers plenty of alternatives to texting your ex. The list isn't perfect, it has some lurk suggestions, just ignore those.
http://elitedaily.com/women/not-text-54-things-instead-texting/911851/
I hope these help some of you out! If there are any grammatical or spelling errors, I apologize, I don't feel like proofreading.
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